Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
