I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize