this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i dont even know how to be here
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
