She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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