You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
