i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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