Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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