I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Ladies don't puke and tell
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