Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
