Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Come see our sink grown plant.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
