I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
