ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
