i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
