your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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