my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
