.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
