How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My first STD was from a foam party
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
you had me at cake vodka
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
