No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
