i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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