...so i touched it.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
