how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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