He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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