Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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