i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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