im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
