i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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