my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
