i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
