Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
