I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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