So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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