My first STD was from a foam party
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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