hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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