Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
this will be a night to untag.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
