I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
