Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just googled if crying burns calories
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
