Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
