no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
