i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
