i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize