I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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