so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
