So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Of course I have a pirate flag
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
