in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
