There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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