i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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