I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
