I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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