I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
