ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
