all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
