just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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