I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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