the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's shark week go big or go home
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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