i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I would ride that face into the sunset
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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