I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
