I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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