i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
