I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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