he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
