The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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