Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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