I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
