bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
