yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
This house was built for laser tag.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
NoShamevember. You game?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
