I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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