never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
