So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
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