oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
