Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
